Welcome to the Dance of Anxious and Avoidant Relating!
FIRST, here is my resources page (tools/books/articles/writings) about Attachment Theory.
In the upcoming days/weeks/months, I will be populating this page with more information about developing your own secure attachment style, which is by far the most reliable way to create solid and stable and authentic relationships. For those of you who are anxious, avoidant, disorganized (with strategies of both anxious and avoidant), this is for you as you will often find yourself in an anxious/avoidant relationship dance/trap, and this is something that has been fascinating me for many years (both for having been —and still am — in them and for seeing others in them too. There are many layers, pitfalls, and challenges that await you, but I assure you, it is possible—and indeed, I could argue that it is what most people seek when they desire “the good life” that philosophy teaches us about.
But beyond philosophy— and morality, ie what is good/better/right as a way to achieve it— the journey to a secure attachment style (and away from the chaotic dance of anxious/avoidant— has to necessarily begin with the nervous system which, at any given moment, gives us a sense of how we feel about the world, the people around us, and our circumstances. In other words, it’s our nervous system which tells us whether we are securely engaged with reality, moment to moment to moment.
Stay tuned and keep coming back to this page!
In the meantime, read this blog post written by my dear friend Mike Thomas about the dance of Anxious and Avoidant and their nervous system.
And here is a fantastic article to help you visualize the dance of anxious and avoidant.
A bientot et avec amour,
Philippe