I teach original classes to support men and women to make better choices for themselves and each other through developing skills, practices, sensitivity, and qualities that will make them better partners, lovers, and humans. I also produce original events of all sizes for people to practice what they learned in classes, or simply to give a space for communities to explore and play.

Most of the events I create have some intimate qualities to them: permission and/or ways to explore connection, love, touch, and consent. Teaching and creating events is something I have been doing for 23+ years, with very diverse settings and crowds.

Some of the festivals I've taught at include SoulPlay Festival, Hawaii Tantra Festival, Envision Festival, Lightning In a Bottle, Enchanted Forest Festival, Awaken Festival, Lucidity Festival, EvolveLiveLA, Serenity Gathering, Sunset Campout, Bare Fest, Heart & Soulstice Gathering, OneWorld Tantra Festival, ISTA Festival, and many more (see below)

Please contact me if you would like me to teach one of the classes below and/or create an event or class to fit your needs in your town or at one of your events or festivals. 

Have you ever wished you could learn to “feel” consent, beyond the words you speak and hear? Have you ever felt that something is missing when someone comes along and simply says “May I kiss/touch/hug/etc you?” In some case, this may be someone you’ve known forever and are already comfortable with and happy to receive from without the requests. In some cases, this may be someone you barely know and would *love* to get to know better before the possible eventual step of touch or any form of sensuality. In some cases, this may be someone who, for some reasons, you never thought you might want to experience touch with, but eventually changed your mind --again for some reasons which may still be unknown to you.

What are these reasons? Why is it that sometimes affirmative verbal consent --as we are learning to do it in the age of #metoo-- still feels like something is missing, even when done correctly?

Consent is not about permission. Rather, it is about the ability of all present to connect and care for each other --with our heart, body, and animal-- in order to create the trust necessary engage with everyone's sovereign YES. This class will allow you to learn to navigate the ever fluctuating levels of comfort arising moment to moment as you engage with your and other people’s feelings, pace, desires and boundaries. You'll learn how to make this happen again and again gracefully, with maximum pleasure and fun and without fear and doubt. Consent, when done right, is the simplest thing in the world: it is about connection, trust, empathy and creativity.

In this original class, you’ll learn:

★ The pace to align body, heart, and animal for the strongest most sovereign YES
★ How to instantly create more connection
★ How to easily create more trust
★ How to quickly detect when body, heart or animal are out of alignment
★ How to feel feelings, pace, desires, and boundaries
★ How to create a strong field of consent with a goal of having everyone engage happily and within their ability to engage well!
★ How to notice what gets in the way of a consensual engagement

This class is for both singles and couples. Couples will be allowed to free float (partner with others) or deep dive (stay together) as they wish.

So you know how to do consent well. You're familiar with people's yes'es, no's, and maybe's and you know how to navigate them well and safely for yourself and others.

What's next?

This original "advanced" consent class will take you to the edge of "yes" and back, while giving you all the tools necessary to be a sovereign "maybe" as you explore uncharted territories of pleasure, sensuality, and play. Why would anyone want to play so far on the edge? While some people prefer to play in their safe "yes" zone (and in some cases, their even smaller "enthusiastic yes" area), others LOVE the mystery that comes with riding the edge of their feelings, the edge of their pace, the edge of their desires, and the edge of their boundaries. 

So join us at the edge of “yes” where safety is something YOU need to bring to the table, and learn to explore the infinite game of life where nothing is given and everything is possible.

Trusting in Maybe is about claiming and owning our growth edge where we becoming more mature, secure, and aware, and trusting in the messiness that comes along with it. It can look like understanding the nature of honest accidents, not trying to be perfect, and co-creating a space of mutuality and mystery which allows for fun and play while also having enough structure and boundaries for the purpose of knowing when things are within bound (and as such, okay even if surprising/challenging/difficult, ie within a person's "soft" boundaries) or out of bound (ie past a person's "hard" boundaries).

In this class, "maybe" represents what isn't quite known yet, but about to surface in order to be integrated as a "yes" or a "no". It's a space of discovery and exploration, which can both be exciting and scary all at once. This class is for those who want a more conscious approach to the wide expanse between "hell yes" and "hell no" and find themselves oscillating and moving between the two during an engagement.  

Ever been in relationship and noticed how you or your partner seemed to be following a sort of unspoken emotional “script” or “dance” leading the two down a path where triggers, difficulties, arguments, challenges, insecurities, and limitations seemed to get the best of you?

If you’ve been on this planet for long enough, you have noticed that these patterns are more or less repeated for you and your partners. Perhaps you are the warm loving one and your partner is the distant one. Perhaps you are the one who needs their freedom and your partner is the needy clingy one. Perhaps you are both so much the same (or your partner is just “okay*) that there is no tension between you and the result is, well, boredom. Perhaps the differences are so wide that while you’re having the most beautiful romantic love story of your life and the hottest sex, you also know that this simply will not work on the long term, because deep down inside you know that what creates the sexual and emotional tension is also what makes this relationship incredibly *unsustainable*. And perhaps you’ve seen yourself enter these relationships again and again and again, always knowing that something is up but never quite knowing WHY.

Enters Attachment Theory, the remarkable view of relationships that pretty much seems to explain EVERYTHING.

If you have not yet, take a minute to read this hilarious article:
https://medium.com/the-establishment/if-people-had-honest-first-date-conversations-fa242d18ab74

Could you relate to either the man or the woman? Chances are you did. Or you read the article and thought: “These people are crazy! I don’t relate to either one bit.”. You’ll likely stand on either side. If you related more to the man, you likely have an avoidant attachment style. If you related more to the women, you likely have an anxious attachment style. If you didn’t relate to either, you likely have a secure attachment style.

And regardless of who you related to, this class is for you, because whether you are secure or insecure, you will be in relationship with people who are both, and knowing about attachment theory and recognizing and knowing how to work with people with various attachment styles is one of the single most useful skill you can have in life. That is, unless you are alone and never need to relate to another soul again.

In this original class, you will learn...

★ More deeply about the various attachment styles (including the lesser known but important one called “fearful anxious” aka “anxious avoidant” aka disorganized)
★ The various cultural archetypes associated with the various attachment styles, so you’ll begin to see them in all the mainstream stories and movies.
★ How sociopaths, narcissists and people with borderline fit within the various attachment styles.
★ To recognize the “smoking guns” of the various attachment styles
★ To engage well with people with various attachment styles, and have realistic expectations of them
★ The difference between “who you want” and “what you need” in relationships (tip: it’s what you’re lacking the most) and why these two often don’t align, and what it takes to make them align.
★ To experience and compare the somatic and emotional experience of engaging with each attachment style
★ To begin down the path of creating a more secure attachment style for yourself and others, and setting your life for success.

You’ll want to do the Attachment Quiz (https://www.fyrebox.com/play/attachment-quiz_wdGGqvQpo) before coming to the class to be fully ready. Also check out my Attachment Theory Resources Page (https://www.exquisitedark.love/attachment-theory), the Attachment Community FB Group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/attachmentcommunity) and the Journey to Secure Community FB Group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/592130589733534) to crowdsource wisdom and support around Attachment Theory!

Here's a shorter version of the class description:

Ever been in relationship and noticed how you or your partner seemed to be following a sort of unspoken emotional “script” or “dance” leading you two down a path where triggers, difficulties, arguments, challenges, insecurities, and limitations seemed to get the best of you? If you’ve been on this planet for long enough, you may have noticed that these patterns are more or less repeated for you and your partner. You’ve seen yourself enter these relationships again and again and again, always knowing that something is up but never quite knowing WHY. Enters Attachment Theory, the remarkable view of relationships that seems to pretty much explain EVERYTHING about how people can be secure or insecure in relationship and how regardless of your attachment style you will likely be in relationship with people who are either. Knowing about attachment theory and recognizing and knowing how to work with people with various attachment styles is one of the single most useful skills you can have in life.

It was perhaps just a few weeks or months since you discovered attachment theory. You learned about the two main types of insecure strategies --avoidance and anxiety-- and the patterns of behavior that express these insecurities through a relationship to needs that seem to come from a deep and young part of yourself. 

This class is about beginning the journey to a more mature relationship to needs. A journey to self-care and to interdependence. A journey to a secure attachment style. 

Secure people, when you notice them, have the uncanny ability to create a life that seemingly *just*works*. But underneath this peaceful life lies a great ability to engage with their needs and the needs of others in a healthy dance where no-one --not even themselves-- is ever forgotten. What is this ability? What is this dance? This is what the class will begin to show you.

In this original class, you will learn...

★ To locate yourself more clearly on the map of attachment styles.
★ To recognize your insecure patterns more readily, and to share them without shame with the people you engage with.
★ How to begin to plan your journey to a secure attachment style.
★ Somatic, emotional, physical, social, spiritual, and primal practices to develop in order to grow your emotional balance.
★ To answer the question "What do a secure person do?" with clarity when in a difficult situation.
★ To identify who are the secure people in your life and who are your anchors
★ How to find a good coach/counselor/therapist with a focus on attachment theory
★ Practices for the individual and for couples to anchor/stabilize each other, and the downsides/reduction of control/freedom of being in intimate relationships

You’ll want to do the Attachment Quiz (http://tiny.cc/AttachmentQuiz) before coming to the class to be fully ready. Also check out my Attachment Theory Resources Page (https://www.exquisitedark.love/attachment-theory) and the Attachment Community FB Group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/attachmentcommunity) to crowdsource wisdom and support around Attachment Theory!

This is a gentle introduction to self-regulation and co-regulation.

This class will teach you the basics of finding your own center and finding balance with what is available around you, whether it is the ground, nature, breath, or someone else.

As you explore your journey to Secure, what skills, qualities, and superpowers are you discovering in yourselve and others that you feel express best your inner security? In what ways do you now have more space, resilience, clarity, and insight in your life as you engage with others? What are the superpowers that you are developing as you move from your own particular attachment style into an earned secure attachment? (hint: many of these superpowers were born from your time as an insecure attacher)

In this class, we will discover and explore one set of secure attachment qualities, and share with each other the unique ones we have developed on our own journey.

This powerful class can also be offered in a co-ed format

Too often men are told in our culture that independence is key and needs are a weakness. But the truth is that needs are normal. Far from being signs of weakness, they are precisely how human beings bond and are meant to. For many men, the first step is to recognize that needs exist to be met without shame to those who have them. And this applies to their own needs which they have sublimated because of patriarchy and sexism. This work requires that they develop the skill of nurturance -- being attuned, available, responsive, and engaged -- in the absence of which disconnection that allows and supports oppression, objectification, rape culture is able to exist. In this class the men will learn the baby steps to recognize their needs and other people's needs and begin to grow their emotional capacity, intelligence, and maturity through gentle practices such as holding, feeling, attuning, responding, connection, support, compassion, and love.

Remember the last time you touched someone who needed healing, and your hands seemingly "knew" where to go and what to do? Or perhaps it was that hug you gave to someone you were attracted to, and instead of completely releasing, your hands remained connected while you talked and stared into each other's eyes. And in those moments you felt -- perhaps fleetingly - that your voice wasn't the only part of you in conversation with this other being. That your heart and soul were communicating as well, through contact...This is what we call the language of touch.

The language of touch is quite different than body language -- or perhaps it is a subset of it. What most people mean by body language is postures and other visual signs that the body gives to other beings. The language of touch, on the other hand, happens only in the realm of touch and contact with others. It is the subtle conversation that the body has with the world around it. What "words" does your body understand and communicate? Are you *aware* of what is being communicated when your body is in contact with its surroundings, and especially living beings? What would it mean to be more conscious and skilled in speaking this language? This is what "The Language of Touch" is about. 

This original class will focus on touch as a language that can be learned and understood. In a society that focuses so much on verbal language, people are often confused by or even sometimes completely unaware of the subtle conversation that their bodies are constantly having with the environment around them -- and more specifically, with the people they connect with on the rare occasions that touch occurs.

This class will first focus on our awareness of touch, and then move to exploring the subtle messages carried through touch between people, and eventually move to creating specific intentions and messages with touch. Finally we will have conversations on topics such as relationships, intimacy, sensuality and sexuality, as touch is deeply involved in each of those areas, either as a communication tool or a source of fulfillment.

This is a class for anyone open to exploring touch as way to communicate with other. Please come prepared to experience giving and receiving safe loving touch. This is not a sensuality or sexuality class, though those topics will definitely be discussed. If you are a couple, you will be allowed to do all the exercises together if you wish and feel safer that way!

In this fun, hot and playful class, you and your partner will begin to expand your repertoire of touch skills and role play. First, you will learn simple yet powerful embodied ways to interact somatically with others such as caresses, nails, bites/nibbles, light hair pulling, grabbing, kissing, light spanking, pushing/pulling, wrestling/pinning, flirting/teasing, and more. Next, you will discover and practice fun roles to embody while using these skills such as an animal, the god*dess/human, the nymph, the fairy, and the satyr. 

This practice is much like learning how to communicate with your lover in a language of physical touch, pleasure, and sensations. You will have the opportunity to “speak” to each other through the combined various touch skills and role play and will be able to "read" your lover’s responses through breath, movement, sound, and touch. And as you become more and more fluent in this language, the result will be greater and deeper ease in communicating through touch and play and better listening to your partner when it comes to connecting with their body and making them feel loved and cherished in your dance.

Consent/Sovereignty: All skills and roles will be taught in a container of consent to make all engagements pleasurable and powerfully transformative for everyone.

Who: This class is both for single and couples. Friends coming with friends with the desire to practice these skills is also great.

What to bring/wear: Participants should wear comfortable clothes that allow access to the body and skin. Optionally, you can bring a belt or sarong for one of the exercises. 

The online world is somewhat different than the real world in that much of the initial engagements we have with people are not immediate: we post or comment or message, and wait for a reaction. Zoom or video chat helps in that it allows us to at least be face to face, at least at times when such structure is part of a class or a call

But without such structures or without direct (and primal) face to face-to-face engagements and initial body language, we are sometimes left wondering about the best way to make first contact or develop an (online) connection well.

If this is you, then welcome to the Art of Authentic Connection.

In this fun words-on and video-on class, you’ll learn:

★ How to initiate an authentic connection with someone, either online or in real life
★ How to engage in a way that fosters mutuality, trust, and sovereignty
★ Conscious steps to deepen intimacy without putting pressure on the other person
★ Find your favorite style of engagement and why it matters so much (with a dip into attachment theory)
★ How to find and seek the right type of connection for you (or adjust based on who you connect with)
★ How to feel into authentic alignment using primal, emotional, somatic, and spiritual intelligence
★ Play around making offers and respond with “yes”, “no”, “yes, and...”, “no, but…”, and explore creative ways to engage, and from there learn about the “infinite game”
★ Why flirting is often fun and scary, and exciting.

And then we’ll go into a practice space where you will get to play, explore, and experiment, feeling into your fears, desires, and boundaries, and communicating them as part of the dance of intimacy you will be co-creating with some of the participants.

As always, all of the exercises will be done in a context of consent and sovereignty while allowing for the perfection of messiness to arise naturally and without shame.

The non-verbal language of cats is renowned for its nuance and diversity, so much so that it can take years for humans to master this beautiful art. And indeed, it is a language familiar to humans, often much more than actual humans non-verbal language. But this cat language is similar enough to human’s that it is easy to learn for those who are still in the dark. In fact, many people interact non-verbally more often and in more complex ways with pets than they do with other human beings, so it is a good starting point for a common language of touch between lovers.

In this playful romp of a class, you will learn…

★ Mastery of the mysterious feline gaze
★ The elaborate dance of the their walk
★ The beautiful and nuanced language of their touch
★ The intricacy of their meows and purrs (and one special trick to turn you into a cat magnet)
★ Their top-secret missions to take over the human world (and how you can join their ranks)
★ A beginner’s vocabulary and codes to instantly become a cat’s best friend (even if you’re really a dog person)
★ How kittens are much more dangerous than adult cats (even as they are cuter!)
★ And much, much more…

And underneath the playfulness of this class, you will discover the deeper more primal world of feline animals, how they express sovereignty, how they care for each other, and how they learn to own their own safety in the context of play and engagement with each other.

Don’t wait to become friends with the greatest slyest animals on the planet, join us and become their ally with your own inner feline friend!

So you’re going to Burning Man.

With your partner/lover/boy/girl/friend. Didn’t people tell you it’s like taking your relationship through a Hero’s Journey? A crucible? Relationship suicide? Haven’t your heard countless tales of relationship demise at the hand of the man burning?

But wait, what about the good stuff? The wild adventures? The Orgy Dome? The nights tripping the light fantastic? The dancing until sunrise, dusty, spent, and happy?

Burning Man can truly be a wild ride, but you don’t have to go with your eyes closed. We can help. 

We have been to Burning Man more times than we can remember, and our relationship has not only survived (whew!), it has also thrived in this desert environment full of distractions, serendipity, desires, and boundaries.

How did we do it?

This is what this class is about: a selection of our best tips, planning, and techniques to bulletproof your relationship and give it the strength to go the extra mile. Because when you’re on the playa, you’ll need it in more ways than one. 

Perhaps you started on your journey with a few lovers but you feel like you might still be missing some key skills? In this day and age of ever-multiplying relationship models, this class will teach you a variety of tools and perspectives to support you on your exploration and discovery of the perfect most graceful and ethical way to have the multiple love relationships that you want. And, we will also explore the many ways having multiple relationships can be an expression of insecurity and inability to commit so you can get clear on the work that must be done inside yourself and/or in your relationship(s) in order to have greater relationship health moving forward.

In this class taught by Philippe Lewis, you will learn:

★ The myriad of relationship structures out there
★ How monogamy came to be the dominant paradigm
★ About zero-sum thinking, and how our conditioning affects our vision
★ How to work with jealousy and cultivate compersion
★ The difference between boundaries, rules, and agreements
★ The possibilities and pitfalls of sharing sex with others
★ Safer sex practices
★ Ways to think about the long-term: kids, habitation, and getting your needs met
★ The balance of freedom and security

Many people are exploring consensual non-monogamy as an alternative to traditional monogamous relationships. Those that have usually encounter a lot of internal and external triggers that make the whole concept seem too difficult or not worth it. If you dive into the world of non-monogamy, you will likely find that many of its tenets resonate with you, or make logical sense, but the gut experience of walking the path brings up all kinds of old wounds and habits. This is both normal and common, and can bring about much healing if you are open to deeply learning about yourself and your partners.

There are as many different types of poly/non-monogamy as there are people who practice it. None of them are necessarily better than others, because it’s really all about what works for you! That being said, there are lots of people who have attempted non-monogamy, and failed. Please come join us for an evening of exploration and inquiry into the fabric of love and relationships!

Learn to clear deep issues between you and other human beings! This class will teach you a very powerful and successful process to move from experience, to story, to feelings, to apology, to forgiveness, to letting go, so that karma can be cleared between you, anyone you are in conflict with, anyone you do not feel fully self-expressed with, or anyone you feel complete with, so that you can care for each other better (if you wish!) and with more love moving forward.

In this original class you will...

★ Explore the story behind your relationship, conflict, and/or experience
★ Dive into what happened and feelings that were present for you in this story
★ Discover the needs that were left unmet behind each feeling
★ Experience your feelings and needs being received and acknowledged
★ Experience receiving an apology and (if you wish) forgiving the other person for not meeting your needs
★ Get the opportunity to say goodbye and feel complete

This class does not require the attendance of the person you wish to clear with. It is designed to allow you to do the work you need to feel complete with this person regardless of their ability to meet you or be present with you. In a way, it is simple and gentle grieving process to support you in your healing and growth. 

“That was an incredible offering! I am very grateful to you for sharing this modality with our community. Both my exercise partner and I had very intense emotions surface and I know that I wouldn't have been able to work through the emotional remnants of my past relationship without your guidance in the workshop. I recalled memories and emotions that previously escaped me and it felt good to speak my emotions out loud as if my ex was in front of me. Saying goodbye was the most challenging of all. I never realized that I never really said goodbye to him. I subconsciously left the door open for ______? I'm interested to see how my heart responds over the next few weeks to the work that I did last night.

My practice partner was able to work through abuse from a relationship in 2013! Can you imagine?! Carrying around those wounds for 6 years! By the end of the workshop, I could see a new "lightness" in her face and overall being. It was also incredible practice in holding space for someone to share serious trauma, something I don't have a lot of experience with. 

A sincere THANK YOU for sharing this healing practice with our community as well as the broader community here and beyond.”

Melanie

Have you ever noticed gazes shifting as you enter a room, bodies turning as you move through a crowd, bodies brushing against you as you dance? Or perhaps a smile, and wink, and touch as you engage with someone you barely know? We humans have a variety of ways we engage with one another that hint at the level of attraction we feel for another person, both consciously or unconsciously.

This original class brings together everything I've learned in the last 21 years.

★ What is the “energetic” dance you share when you meet someone? 
★ What role does attraction play in your dance? What types of attractions show up?
★ How slowly or quickly do you dive into the dance? Why?
★ What arises and awakens in you from the reflection of this "other"? 
★ What is possible when you open and surrender to their contribution while simultaneously giving with generosity and compassion? 
★ What happens in the space of "Yes, and..."? 

In this exploration, you will learn to embody and expand intimacy and desire as a shared conversation that is much greater and all encompassing than the traditional views of the sensual/sexual. Without excluding these, you will learn that the dance of Lila is about allowing/creating a spirit and shared group mind that will guide, heal and drive you to a more ecstatic, beautiful and sustainable co-created living.

If you normally see desire/intimacy/sensuality/sexuality as a topic separate from the rest of your life, this will be a perfect opportunity to see how you can dissolve this view for a minute and experience the many facets of Source through the sharing of life energy with others.

If you normally see intimacy/desire/sensual/sexual as all deeply connected in your life, it will feel like diving in warm waters.

It all begins slowly. Gently touching your person’s back and buttocks, feeling the response of their body, noticing muscle tone, softness and hardness, bones, skin… and sensations. As you attune and warm up their body to yours and yours to theirs, you begin to feel what they are feeling, delicately matching their nervous system, taking a hold of it with both hands, and guiding it on a ride to pleasure, intensity, and… subspace.

Spanking, when done well, creates a deep bond of relating between spanker and spankee. Through warming them up, checking in, and connecting with their whole body, trust is established, and slowly but surely, every part of them relaxes, opens up, and allows you to create a journey of sensation and pleasure like they have never felt before.

You know what you are doing, and you are doing it well. So well in fact, that they discover not only a new way to surrender, but also a new way to connect and be with you and with themselves.

Join us for a class and learn one of the oldest forms of sensation play in the world. And though it’s also one of the most popular forms of punishment too, you’ll learn to reclaim it and offer it as a beautiful and rewarding experience.

(Note: Please bring a willing spankee for you to practice with)