We love when a leader shows superhuman abilities. It tells us that they have earned their place as a leader because they can indeed show up better than we can and better than we can.
But it always seems to turn out to be a lie.
Leaders may have great abilities (or just charisma) but it's always anyone's guess how far they have learned to master the power given to them by their role.
Abilities (and the right mentors) offer some capacity to use power well, but only experience can truly lead to mastery... if such experience doesn't lead to downfall first.
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"How have you abused your power?
How have you abused your power?
How have you abused your power?"
At first, in my mind's eye, I was speaking loudly to someone I had experienced as clearly abusing their power, and as I was doing so, I knew full well that I eventually would need to answer as if I was sitting in their shoes.
Except I didn't, not exactly.
I was doing an aspecting session, and in one such a session it is only with me, myself, and I—and any and all archetypes willing to show up. I speak as one, and then I move to the other side of the pillow and I answer as another.
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(I wrote this a few years ago after a mediation I went through with someone in another community)
Whenever we witness a conflict between two people, one of the most difficult things to do is to establish what is actually happening between them.
Mostly, it’s impossible.
You might be unlucky enough to speak to one person first and hear them speak of the other person in the most demonizing ways they can. And this will play into any biases you already have about any group they might appear to be a part of.
What happens when the person being demonized is a man? How easy is it to perceive them according to the new narratives emerging about them? About us?
I’ve spent 30 years digging deep into myself around this, from the time I was with my first and second girlfriend, both having been assaulted and abused by men. And during these years, I explored not only the ways there might be such a dangerous man inside of me, but also the ways he might be inside of other men.
30 years of exploring my own misandry.
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believe, and are now looking for ways to test their new toy.
So what do you do about this?
Don't walk into the trap. It's only for you if you get caught.
Add "It is my personal opinion that..." in front of their meme to understand that it's not objective truth.
Also many memes assume something to be true just because it's in the meme, so if you show up and speak otherwise, you just became the target audience for the "denier" of the meme, which will then expose you to a similar trap.
Take a look at the second meme, which, when spelled out, looks like this:
"If you need an illustration of white privilege (ie you're one of those people who need it), and don't think you have privilege, then you needing this illustration is your white privilege talking (and it might also show your fragility for good measure)."
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(Note: In this conversation I will use responsibility to also mean accountability)
For this game we take a whole new look at the conversation around the topic of Responsibility and its role in conflict. Clear your mind of what you know and dive in.
In relationship or any engagement between adults, responsibility is usually something that is shared (to some degree) between all parties involved.
Imagine responsibility as something that can be measured in terms of “quantity”. When responsibility is taken for everything that happens in the engagement/relationship, everyone knows the part they play and to what degree they affect the outcome. Generally, this means everyone is happy in the engagement and there's little conflict: I cook, you do the dishes. You want more touch, you tell me and I respond with more touch. I drive and you navigate. If I'm unhappy, I share with you about it and you know where you can rise up because it's your responsibility. Or you can refuse and I can take responsibility.
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Recently, with the riots in response to the gratuitous killings of black civilians Breyonna Taylor and George Floyd, as well as many others, the ideology of antiracism has gained monumental popularity.
Antiracism calls for vigilance in the personal, interpersonal, and interobjective spaces, encouraging individuals to interrupt racism when they see it and combat any racist ‘microagressions’ or behaviours within themselves.
The problem with antiracism is that while it looks noble on paper, in practice it has the potential to become as damaging as it’s nemesis. This is because:
1) It redefines racism as a ‘system of oppression’ as a means of determining who can and cannot be racist and experience racism (which is untrue and ultimately ends up being divisive);
2) It advocates for discriminatory policies that redistribute privileges under the guise of seeking to combat them;
3) It does not account for how the somatic nature of trauma from past racism influences currently experienced racism;
4) It seeks to destroy racism using an outdated and ineffective archetypal framework of morality.
In this article, I will deal with the first problem and address the other three in separate pieces, for the sake of keeping things easy, digestible and concise (because who the fuck reads anymore? Not me).
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(this article was originally posted by Nile Abasi on June 5, 2020)
I have a lot to say about the events occurring in the world right now -- much of which is contrary to any political agenda or 'correctness'. I believe some of what I have to say will be confronting to many, and if I'm honest part of me is afraid of being crucified for going against the grain of my primary liberal community but ultimately -- I am more committed to living truthfully and being honest than I am to being liked (although I have to admit, I do like it when you like me).
For those of you who don't know I'm the product of a biracial lesbian couple conceived in the heart of the nineties (close to the times of the Rodney King riots).
One of my mom's (my birth mom) is a white woman with blonde hair and blue eyes from Shaker Heights Ohio, and my other mom is a black woman from South Central LA (Compton). From birth I was raised and influenced by two completely opposing cultural backgrounds.
My biological father was a sperm donor. He is a black man I know very little about other than he was studying to become a lawyer, had high cheekbones and a nice smile.
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This feels like a great starting point for any leader out there wanting to set things up for better leadership with their community around their own personal need for sex & love and how their position can impact others. I know I've had to engage with many of the points below as a leader/facilitator/teacher myself.
Leadership can't happen alone, so having a team to support this effort is crucial and much needed. I believe that this is greatly understated in our current paradigm where we perceive leaders to be separate entities from us rather than individuals who need support for their leadership to be effective and safe(r). To believe "it's their fault and responsibility and they need to be accountable" completely absolves us from responsibility while at the same time asking us to "do something about this" which is just another way to displace responsibility to them while at the same time feeling good about doing something.
The better approach is to show up where something is missing and bring in what is missing.
That's what teamwork is.
Here goes:
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by Philippe Lewis
When we begin to show up as a leader, we begin to have impact. We want to make a difference and we begin to develop the skills of social, emotional, and intellectual influence. This is power.
Many also, by the same token, begin to explore the skills of primal and sexual influence, some of it consciously, some not.
We may not want to take responsibility for it because we didn't ask for it. Because we didn't consent to it. Or perhaps it's because it's not our problem, because it's not something we chose. Or perhaps it's not something our "group" has been known to impact others with.
But we do choose to speak up into the world to make a difference.
THIS RIGHT NOW IS THE DIFFERENCE WE ARE MAKING IN PEOPLE'S LIVES, to speak up and be heard.
Click the title to read the rest.
by Philippe Lewis
Calling out has been used to get the right people to LISTEN.
It's both a form of social signaling (to garner attention towards a problem) and a way to get attention from the person who NEEDS to listen to the impact they had on the speaker, or someone the speaker loves,
or a community the speaker loves,
or an ideology the speaker loves,
or a philosophy the speaker loves.
Click the title to read the rest.
Click the title to read the rest.
