(I wrote this a few years ago after a mediation I went through with someone in another community)
Whenever we witness a conflict between two people, one of the most difficult things to do is to establish what is actually happening between them.
Mostly, it’s impossible.
You might be unlucky enough to speak to one person first and hear them speak of the other person in the most demonizing ways they can. And this will play into any biases you already have about any group they might appear to be a part of.
What happens when the person being demonized is a man? How easy is it to perceive them according to the new narratives emerging about them? About us?
I’ve spent 30 years digging deep into myself around this, from the time I was with my first and second girlfriend, both having been assaulted and abused by men. And during these years, I explored not only the ways there might be such a dangerous man inside of me, but also the ways he might be inside of other men.
30 years of exploring my own misandry.
(click the title to read more)
(this article was originally posted by Nile Abasi on June 5, 2020)
I have a lot to say about the events occurring in the world right now -- much of which is contrary to any political agenda or 'correctness'. I believe some of what I have to say will be confronting to many, and if I'm honest part of me is afraid of being crucified for going against the grain of my primary liberal community but ultimately -- I am more committed to living truthfully and being honest than I am to being liked (although I have to admit, I do like it when you like me).
For those of you who don't know I'm the product of a biracial lesbian couple conceived in the heart of the nineties (close to the times of the Rodney King riots).
One of my mom's (my birth mom) is a white woman with blonde hair and blue eyes from Shaker Heights Ohio, and my other mom is a black woman from South Central LA (Compton). From birth I was raised and influenced by two completely opposing cultural backgrounds.
My biological father was a sperm donor. He is a black man I know very little about other than he was studying to become a lawyer, had high cheekbones and a nice smile.
(click the title to read the rest)
by Philippe Lewis
This article was also posted on the Good Men Project.
You might have read articles about about how boys and men -- at least in the US if not in the western world -- are deprived of touch because of the scripts that narrowly define masculinity, manhood, what a man does and what a man wants (Here’s three: here, here, and here).
I, too, have experienced some version of it, and this is my story.
I grew up in Canada, a progressive country, in a progressive family. I went to schools that taught morals alongside catechism (students could pick either), personal development, and the social side of sex education (not just the biology). My parents never said to me “Be a man!”, never shamed me for crying (both of them cried in front of us), and never taught me and my sister the scripts of masculinity or femininity. If anything, they taught us what it looks like to be a family and making things work by doing the best we can and getting help when we couldn’t.
Click the title to read the rest.
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by Philippe Lewis
It seems like everywhere the #metoo movement is leaving men wondering what to do – which is not surprising given that men like to DO things. Sometimes, of course, the incessant doing of men can get in the way and camouflage a feeling of inadequacy or a need to get attention. However, there are men out there who are truly seeing how much work there is to do and are simply ready, willing, and (hopefully somewhat) able to take action, and just need a sense of direction. Because, while this article may be preaching to a choir of clear conscious healthy men (as opposed to their pale substitute, the Sensitive New Age Guy, or SNAG or other types – and then again, even conscious men are apparently committing assault), there’s a multitude of men who are just waking up and looking to make a responsible and healthy difference.
Click the title to read the rest.
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(PS: AND BLUE BALLS ARE A POOR EXCUSE FOR WANTING SEX)
by Philippe Lewis
Our society has evolved you to think that your erection is a sacred thing.
When you are hard, women are told that something needs to happen: you need to be pleasured, touched, you need to fuck, hump, grind. Everyone has to do something about it.
When you are soft, it apparently means you're not interested or that the person who is with you is not doing something right, not hot enough, not touching you right, not doing what you want in bed. It's someone else's fault.
Click the title to read the rest.
I know that (some of) you want me or a man or another person to tell you you are enough, to know what someone outside of you believes that you are perfect as you are, that you are worth it.
But it's not for me to say.
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by Philippe Lewis
Showing up powerfully for women means supporting them in a way that increases their power and freedom.
To support and empower women, you need to learn to "get" them so that when they grow and learn and face challenges and get triggered, you move with them without surprise, without reaction, without fear.
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by Philippe Lewis
Thank you for your trust. Like for many women, I get that it might not be easy to allow a man to get close to you, to touch you or have sex with you, that it is a big deal to let me in because even though you've developed amazing discernment skills to figure out which man is for real and which man isn't, there's still a chance a man will come in under the radar and take something from you because he feels entitled to your body or your heart. I get it's not easy to tell if I'm one of those men or not, regardless of what I say or do.
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by Philippe Lewis
Last summer, I went to a festival with a lover. As I picked her up from the airport and first saw her, something in my body shifted, a pleasurable feeling arose. I said “How do you feel?”. She said “I’m so excited to see you!”. As her words sunk in (and lips connected with mine), they met with the feelings in my body, confirming what I already knew. I asked “What would you like most for the weekend?”, and she responded “For us to dance and make friends and enjoy each other deeply! But I will need to get some good sleep too -- I had a big week!”. Again, all of her words, body and gaze spoke to me of a particular “way” that she was, right at that moment, moving in a certain direction, with some internal “destination” in mind. I was reading her with all my senses, and all that she was expressing every moment was confirming that I was reading her well. “I might need to keep you up longer than you think”, I said with a wink, and her response was, with a beaming smile, “Not if I’m the one keeping YOU up!”.
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