I think the quote below is great.

And, it fails to acknowledge the deep need many people have to be chosen, to be someone else's top choice.

Some say "I choose myself first" and fair enough, they do, and everyone else comes second.

Some choose (or nature does) their child(ren).

Some choose their pet.

Some choose their partner.

Some choose each moment, each engagement, each bite of food they ingest.

We forget the power of choosing and being chosen.

In the ever greater multiplicity of choices we face, in the ever growing candy store of life, we forget that when we choose someone while they choose someone else, the resulting dichotomy might be a deeply painful and lonely experience.

So we continue to choose love, and acknowledge that time, energy, and attention are limited, and try to make peace with this reality.

And yet, choosing and being chosen continue to create the same chemicals in us, every day.

In that sense, many of us are driven to choose to be chosen, or choose who choses us, or find any which way we can to be seen, recognized, received, validated, rewarded, considered, picked, adored, and yes, ultimately loved through the specific focus of this love.

Following the path of being chosen, rather than chosing, makes us reliant on others, which is an act of trust and an act of surrender, but also an act of giving up responsibility.

Because being chosen is to be special. And to be special is to receive the kind of unique love that we've known and craved from our parents.

It's (co-)dependent love. The love that tells us that we will receive the time and attention we need to survive and thrive while we are still dependent on it.

But even when we are no longer dependent, the sweetness of this love never fades away.

So we continue to look for it, in others, in work, in love, in God, in purpose, in the difference we make in others.

Specialness is as emotional as it is primal and adaptive. Without it, without that special bond, indeed we would have died a long time ago.

Specialness moves worlds. It shows what we value and what we don't, because of course, while love is infinite, attention and energy is not. Whether it's in who we call and speak to, who we consider and give our care to, who we spend our time with and who we don't, who we touch and who we don't, who we lend money and indulgence to and who we don't.

Specialness is embedded in all the popular words that end with "ism": age, race, orientation, preference, sex, gender, etc.

Love is infinite, but our doling out of what is limited to express it is not.

And I see it: many of the most successful poly people I know have a special person who returns the favor. Or they have a special community who returns the favor. Or a special purpose or job who is rewarding. They aren't alone, of course.

In the long run, oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine will always win... for it is how we know we are winning at life.