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Open Relationships & Polyamory
I think the quote below is great.
And, it fails to acknowledge the deep need many people have to be chosen, to be someone else's top choice.
Some say "I choose myself first" and fair enough, they do, and everyone else comes second.
Some choose (or nature does) their child(ren).
Some choose their pet.
Some choose their partner.
Some choose each moment, each engagement, each bite of food they ingest.
We forget the power of choosing and being chosen.
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As I've been exploring Attachment Theory, I've been wondering how it applies to open relationships, polyamory, and non-monogamy.
AVOIDANT: People with an avoidant (insecure) attachment style tend to want less emotional intimacy and are particularly skilled at deactivating their attachment system. In a non-monogamous community, this would make them the ones who can most easily play the field without really getting attached/entwined, the most picky (especially for the fearful-avoidant subtype), the least likely to fall in love, and the most desiring to "not make long term commitments".
ANXIOUS: People with an anxious (insecure) attachment style tend to go for more (emotional) intimacy as a way to keep their attachment style constantly activated. You can see them as the non-stop passionate lover. In a non-monogamous community, this would make them the most likely to repeatedly fall in love, to have multiple lovers, and to have/create the most drama in their relationships. But because anxious also often means very focused on a single person, it might also mean this attachment style will have the hardest time with their person having other lovers.
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When looking at opening your relationship, what I recommend to established couples is that they look a the following areas first:
Have a solid relationship based on a common vision for the future
Have a good sense of why each partner selfishly desires non-monogamy
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