by Philippe Lewis
We’ve all seen it or imagined it: the man or woman who is supremely confident in their ability to embrace their lover and see them immediately surrender and open. It’s as if they were able to silently communicate their desires so powerfully that their lover was instantly seduced, as if under a spell. In many ways, you are right: this person is in fact able to speak to their lover in a way that is much deeper than with any words: they are speaking with their body.
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My friend Alex Allman created this video based on a technique I originally shared at a panel discussion at Burning Man 2014.
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This article about (somatic) balance between dance partners perfectly reflects what happens between people with secure and insecure attachment styles.
CREATING EMOTIONAL STABILITY
Secure people constantly create emotional balance for those who are insecure, and as such they *stabilize* insecure people, making them feel as if they are secure and secure -- but the truth is that they are still insecure.
On the journey of developing a secure attachment style, while it can be good to have secure anchors around us so we're not constantly struggling, it's important to go out and practice without training wheels.
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by Philippe Lewis
This is something I've been considering for a long time. And with my latest interest in attachment theory, it will change. And perhaps each piece will make it as a chapter into a book one day. I will call the book: "The Sensitive Soul: A path to transforming our greatest sensitiviies into our greatest gifts -- and live happily ever after!"
Here are the steps:
1. We don't know notin' and impacting others left and right. We get triggered and we go off on others and ourselves. This is us at our most ignorant.
2. An opening, a crack in the armor appears (significant events, transformational courses, life changes are good at this)
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I know that (some of) you want me or a man or another person to tell you you are enough, to know what someone outside of you believes that you are perfect as you are, that you are worth it.
But it's not for me to say.
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by Philippe Lewis
Showing up powerfully for women means supporting them in a way that increases their power and freedom.
To support and empower women, you need to learn to "get" them so that when they grow and learn and face challenges and get triggered, you move with them without surprise, without reaction, without fear.
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by Philippe Lewis
Thank you for your trust. Like for many women, I get that it might not be easy to allow a man to get close to you, to touch you or have sex with you, that it is a big deal to let me in because even though you've developed amazing discernment skills to figure out which man is for real and which man isn't, there's still a chance a man will come in under the radar and take something from you because he feels entitled to your body or your heart. I get it's not easy to tell if I'm one of those men or not, regardless of what I say or do.
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by Philippe Lewis
Last summer, I went to a festival with a lover. As I picked her up from the airport and first saw her, something in my body shifted, a pleasurable feeling arose. I said “How do you feel?”. She said “I’m so excited to see you!”. As her words sunk in (and lips connected with mine), they met with the feelings in my body, confirming what I already knew. I asked “What would you like most for the weekend?”, and she responded “For us to dance and make friends and enjoy each other deeply! But I will need to get some good sleep too -- I had a big week!”. Again, all of her words, body and gaze spoke to me of a particular “way” that she was, right at that moment, moving in a certain direction, with some internal “destination” in mind. I was reading her with all my senses, and all that she was expressing every moment was confirming that I was reading her well. “I might need to keep you up longer than you think”, I said with a wink, and her response was, with a beaming smile, “Not if I’m the one keeping YOU up!”.
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by Philippe Lewis
If you hurt someone, an apology is the most powerful way to clear things up / dissipate karma. Here's how we do it:
1. Ask the other person to tell you the impact your actions had on them. Make sure the other person knows you really get it.
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by Philippe Lewis
When looking at opening your relationship, what I recommend to established couples is that they look a the following areas first:
Have a solid relationship based on a common vision for the future
Have a good sense of why each partner selfishly desires non-monogamy
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