Welcome to my
Attachment Theory Resources Page
Below you will find a variety of resources (tools, books, article, writing) about attachment theory. You are free to use any of it as you as you give proper attribution to the author. Now dive and dive deep, as the landscape of attachment theory is a rich new territory with much to explore!
Join the Attachment Community Facebook Group and take part of the conversation about the Journey to Secure Attachment!
(Note: Message us to let us know you’ve applied to join the community!)
Use our online Attachment Quiz below to assess your attachment style
INSTRUCTIONS: When completing this questionnaire, please focus on one significant relationship – ideally a current or past partner as the focus here is on adult relationships. This does not necessarily need to be a romantic relationship but must be the individual with whom you feel the most connection. Who is your primary “go to” person if you’re sick, in trouble, want to celebrate, call with news, etc.? This questionnaire is designed to be an interactive learning tool. When responding, consider how strongly you identify with each statement, what comes up for you, and the underlying feelings and needs that might be present (whether you consider them good or bad) informing this behavior. PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE A DIAGNOSTIC TOOL, but it’s a good starting point to begin your personal exploration into your attachment styles.
(Note: Credit for the wording of the questions goes to Diane Poole Heller)
Enjoy!
Explore the Journey to Secure!
Do you want to learn to become a Secure Attacher?
Truly, the solution to being in better more authentic relating where mutuality and emotional balance are present is to become more secure yourself. But this is a long journey with many pitfalls. Reach out to me to chat about taking the first steps towards happiness and fulfillment in relating!
Qualities of Secure vs Other Attachment Styles
This is a work in progress in identifying the qualities secure people bring to the table in their life and their relationships (click the link above in the title)
See where you are on the two Roads of the Journey to Secure
Explore the Dance of Anxious & Avoidant Relating!
Attachment Worksheets
I developed these simple worksheets to help clients find better ways to express themselves and engage with their worries, their coping mechanisms and their needs. Let me know if you have questions!
Coping Worksheet
Worry Worksheet
Needs Worksheet
Regulation Worksheet
Self-Care Worksheet
Care Worksheet
Additional Resources, Articles, Tools, & Links
Great Podcasts
“I Love You Keep Going with George Haas”, one of the best podcasts about attachment theory.
Great Articles
A fantastic article on how attachment theory works in the therapeutic relationship.
Amazing article on Sex, Love and Attachment by Sue Johnson. Wow. So much YES.
A secure couple can have all three kinds of sex, Synchrony Sex, Solace Sex which is focused on reassurance, and Sealed off Sex focused on sensation only, at different times, but it seems that the ability to have Synchrony sex – at least some of the time – to integrate sexuality and bonding makes a huge difference in a couple relationship. Sex is a dance – anxious and avoidant music limits the dance – Insecure attachment constrains sexuality.
If People Had Honest First Date Conversations (or an anxious woman meets an avoidant man)
How To Be A Better Partner When You Have An Anxious Attachment Style
This long article is the best source on avoidant states I’ve read so far: Avoidant and anxious attachers have good reasons for what they’re doing — often stemming from experiences and adaptations in childhood. I’ve read attachment books and found they can be shamey of avoidant states.
Two amazing articles written by my wife and partner Paget Norton. One about loving the avoidant attacher. And one about loving the anxious attacher.
Two amazing articles on the anxious-avoidant tango: First article and Second article.
The Opposite of Rape Culture is Nurturance Culture
For Men Who Desperately Need Autonomy
Friends Who Work With Attachment Theory
Derek Heart has a lot of great things to say about emotional intelligence, which is key to grow into secure humans. Also check out his site UnderstandEachOther.com
Mike Thomas has a lot of great things to say about the nervous system and has been exploring the topic for years. Check him out! And also here’s his website HolisticFitnessLifestyle.com. Here’s one blog post he wrote about the Anxious and Avoidant Dance and their nervous system behind it.
Great Books on Attachment Theory
Here’s a great list of books (created by someone else)
Attached: The mainstream introduction book on the topic of attachment theory. A bit strong against avoidant attachers.
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson. A great book focusing on protest behavior and the conversations we can have to create a secure relationship.
Healing Your Attachment Wounds: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships by Carol Poole Heller
Love's hidden symmetry, conscious loving, passionate Marriage, getting the love you want...
Your Brain on Love: The Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships
Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship
Raising Children with a Secure Attachment Style from Circle of Security International
The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden: A fantastic book (also available in audio via Audible.com) on self-esteem, which is another approach to an earned secure attachment style
Whole Again: Healing Your Heart and Rediscovering Your True Self After Toxic Relationships and Emotional Abuse by Jackson MacKenzie
