As I've been exploring Attachment Theory, I've been wondering how it applies to open relationships, polyamory, and non-monogamy.

AVOIDANT: People with an avoidant (insecure) attachment style tend to want less emotional intimacy and are particularly skilled at deactivating their attachment system. In a non-monogamous community, this would make them the ones who can most easily play the field without really getting attached/entwined, the most picky (especially for the fearful-avoidant subtype), the least likely to fall in love, and the most desiring to "not make long term commitments".

ANXIOUS: People with an anxious (insecure) attachment style tend to go for more (emotional) intimacy as a way to keep their attachment style constantly activated. You can see them as the non-stop passionate lover. In a non-monogamous community, this would make them the most likely to repeatedly fall in love, to have multiple lovers, and to have/create the most drama in their relationships. But because anxious also often means very focused on a single person, it might also mean this attachment style will have the hardest time with their person having other lovers.

BOTH: Both insecure attachment style will also use the relationships they are in to try to stabilize themselves if they know what's good for them. Unfortunately secure people (see below) will most often occur to people insecure attachment style as less interesting since secures most often don't like emotional tension as they tend to see it as drama or games. So insecure attachers will end up with insecure attachers which usually means a spotty relationship (avoidant/avoidant) or drama (anxious/anxious) or a never-ending push/pull for space and attention (avoidant/anxious) which is great but not sustainable.

SECURE: People with a secure attachment style tend to be comfortable with both intimacy and space, are the least likely to play games and want drama, are the most likely to use effective communication (NVC style) to ask for what they want and set boundaries, and the most likely to form long term bonds with more than one person in any size of "poly family" formation as their relationships are the most stable (since each secure person inherently brings stability to the relationship) Also secure attachers will act as a "secure base" for any person with an insecure attachment style they are in relationship with, hopefully stabilizing them as their partners relate to others.

These are mostly my observations and all attachment styles are on a spectrum. Remember that theories and models should be used to gain insight on what is happening in reality, not used to make final conclusions.

How do you see attachment styles playing out in the open/poly/non-monogamous communities?

(original Facebook Post)