You might have read articles about about how boys and men -- at least in the US if not in the western world -- are deprived of touch because of the scripts that narrowly define masculinity, manhood, what a man does and what a man wants.
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Sexual abuse and assault can happen to anyone. Most often, we hear about it happening between partners, but what is the best course of action when we hear that our partner was just assaulted or that they reveal to us that they have a history of trauma or abuse? For most couples, this is a challenging situation rife with triggers and hurt. This list is a simple way to begin the support process with a partner who needs it. Each item could be a blog post unto itself. If you require further support, please contact me or any other mental health professional directly.
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It seems like everywhere the #metoo movement is leaving men wondering what to do – which is not surprising given that men like to DO things. Sometimes, of course, the incessant doing of men can get in the way and camouflage a feeling of inadequacy or a need to get attention. However, there are men out there who are truly seeing how much work there is to do and are simply ready, willing, and (hopefully somewhat) able to take action, and just need a sense of direction. Because, while this article may be preaching to a choir of clear conscious healthy men (as opposed to their pale substitute, the Sensitive New Age Guy, or SNAG or other types – and then again, even conscious men are apparently committing assault), there’s a multitude of men who are just waking up and looking to make a responsible and healthy difference.
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I'm so honored to be included as one of the many amazing experts in this article by my friend Maddy Moon! Together we offer amazing value with these practical tips on harmonizing your masculine and your feminine!
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What does consent, connection, and Fifty Shades of YES have in common? Click the title for all the answers!
Emotional Intelligence is one those things that can be really confusing – mainly because emotions are just so… confusing -- to those for whom emotional intelligence and empathy are skills they are developing. For many people, however -- and this is especially true of women who culturally are more likely to get the practice needed to develop emotional intelligence and empathy -- emotions are as easy to navigate as movement is easy to navigate to a dancer (who, incidentally, tend to be somatically intelligent). Mothers also often just feel what their children need in a way that is often mysterious to men. Women's Intuition is also a way that we sometimes refer to emotional intelligence and empathy.
On this show, my friend Nikki and I will try to unravel some of the mysteries around emotions and emotional intelligence. The questions we discuss are listed below.
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Recorded at the Hawaii Tantra Festival 2017
This recording begins about 1/3rd of the class in, after the initial connection exercises that involved walking around being a yes, a maybe, and a no (without specific actions required by the participants)
A lot of lessons can be learned when we can consider that someone's "yes" can change from moment to moment, and when we have to remain curious about someone's feelings, pace, desires and boundaries as time goes by.
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In this episode, Destin Gerek and I discuss the path to becoming a leader. We dive deeply into discussions of Patriarchy and how it affects men as well as women. We discuss the "Unfuckwithable State" and the journey that they, as well as many men who are rewiring their programming surrounding masculinity, have gone through. Philippe speaks about connecting to the inner child and the inner animal, and how it can help with the practice of embodiment.
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With my exquisite friends Bryan & Jennifer, we explore the topic of avoidance in relationships through the lens of Attachment Theory.
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I so deeply enjoyed my conversation today with Lucia Gabriela. Thank you, Lucia for creating the space for these amazing conversations to happen. The work takes time and effort and openness and connection.
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If Level 1 of a relationship is the bliss bubble, then Level 2 is reached when the bubble bursts when one or more of the following events happen...
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I love articles about the "Love and Light" spiritual bypass crap that goes from the indirect bypass/shaming/guilting/shunning all the way to the loud "calling out" of anyone that doesn't behave with pure "love and light" in their heart.
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MEN, YOUR ERECTION IS NOT A SACRED COW
(PS: AND BLUE BALLS ARE A POOR EXCUSE FOR WANTING SEX)
Our society has evolved you to think that your erection is a sacred thing.
When you are hard, women are told that something needs to happen: you need to be pleasured, touched, you need to fuck, hump, grind. Everyone has to do something about it.
When you are soft, it apparently means you're not interested or that the person who is with you is not doing something right, not hot enough, not touching you right, not doing what you want in bed. It's someone else's fault.
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There is a sensual animal in all of us, waiting to be awakened. Quite often this totemic intelligence becomes inhibited from expressing itself through us, because we can grow up with very mixed signals about touch. Touch is always a sensation, and yet often, our experiences can lead us to developing mixed signals about the inherent pleasure of touch and touching. Sometimes we need practices to rewrite our relationship to touch, so that we can expand the fluency of our ability to communicate with it, and thus, to expand the quality of our social and intimate interactions.
For many of us, touch is both something we seek, and something which, perhaps due to unpleasant experiences, we avoid. Unravelling the hidden meanings we associate both with our touching others and with our being touched by others can open us to new possibilities in our enjoyment of social situations, and our feelings of safety and trust in intimate ones.
We’ve all seen it or imagined it: the man or woman who is supremely confident in their ability to embrace their lover and see them immediately surrender and open. It’s as if they were able to silently communicate their desires so powerfully that their lover was instantly seduced, as if under a spell. In many ways, you are right: this person is in fact able to speak to their lover in a way that is much deeper than with any words: they are speaking with their body.
My friend Alex Allman created this video based on a technique I originally shared at a panel discussion at Burning Man 2014.
I was on an amazing call with my friend Robert Kandell the other day about the cost of Men's Sexual Shame.
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Philippe Lewis, the Exquisite Lover, is a Sex & Intimacy Coach, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Trained Somatica Practitioner, and Epic Event Producer. For the last 18 years, he has been exploring relationships, intimacy, sensuality and sexuality with individuals and communities through teaching, writing, coaching and (sexy) events with the goal of growing men and women into better lovers and better humans. A Burner since 1998, Philippe shares veteran advice on being fully prepared for epic play on the Playa, and getting the most transformation out of transformational festivals for yourself as well as for your intimate relationships.
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